I Refuse To Let My Wife’s Depression Ruin My Marriage

When your mood turns dark and things turn bad, I remember that this is a disease .

Anyone who’s ever been married knows that one last relationship is difficult. When two people marry, they try to build a life together that often involves differences of opinion about lifestyle, money problems, children, and so on. Even something as simple as sharing a tube of toothpaste can make a relationship difficult. (Just ask my wife about the importance of tightening from the bottom of the tube.)

But throwing depression in the mix and level of marital difficulty category becomes “this it is pretty hard “to” oh shit, this is almost impossible. ”

Casey My wife and I have been married for 13 years. Like most long-term relationships, our marriage has been difficult and we faced our share of difficulties and near misses. Making it our 13th anniversary would not have been possible had not tried really hard to understand and cope with the severe depression of my wife.

She has been battling depression for most of his life. His episodes of depression vary and there is no pattern as to when they come and go. She can go six months at a time without suffering any effect of depression, and when you have an episode can last from a few days to several weeks.

Because this article is ignored 13 years of marriage, it would be easy to assume that my wife is constantly in a depressed state, which would not be an accurate assumption. My wife also receives help from doctors and she has been taking medication throughout our marriage.

But depression does not come with a magic on / off, so despite receiving medical and medical help, there are still times when we have to deal with this disease in our marriage.

The first time I experienced depression my wife was a few weeks after we met. She came to my apartment late at night, and without much notice or reason, began to mourn. Cried “ugly tears” as they call it, with all the energy within it. I took my soon-to-be wife in my arms and sat together on the sofa (sobbed) until both were asleep.

At that time, I did not know what depression. I had no idea that depression was still a disease, a disease that can take complete control of someone’s mind and wreak havoc. I believed that a person could simply choose to be happy, and I took my wife, too, could choose to be happy if she wanted. And yet, for some inexplicable reason, I was choosing to be sad.

The beginning of our marriage including many teary episodes. Throughout the entire second year my wife stayed home (voluntarily: he was not fired or can not get a job), especially because of their depression. Getting out of the house to do nothing was too much for her, and most of his days were filled with tears and sadness.

Four years on, when my wife was pregnant with our first child, I got home from work and found her unconscious with empty pill bottles in bed. She tried to kill herself when she was pregnant with our son. It took me immediately to the hospital and spent the next week in a psych ward trying to deal with his depression.

do not know when the light bulb finally went on. When I look back now, I can not pinpoint the moment when I finally began to understand the disease. There was no Oprah aha moment. I did not go to a class on depression and I have not read any books about depression.

Instead, I began to recognize the signs of different stages of my wife’s illness, and through trial and error, I began to notice what actions really helped and what do their worst depression. We also began to talk more about depression and how he felt when fighting with him. Over time, I began to understand what depression does to a person and that the actions of my wife while going through it were not her fault.

Now I approach my wife’s depression as if it is not part of our marriage. I see it as a disease of the brain takes over my wife and becomes temporarily incapacitated. Does a father blames his son who suffers from Alzheimer’s forgotten who he is? No.

Similarly, the woman who sleeps during the day and sobs all night is not really my wife. My wife is somewhere, but the pain and struggle and pain that affects both of us is not caused by my wife.

Their inability to do things like dressing children, go to the grocery store, or even something as simple as showing love is not your fault and is not your choice. She is not the choice to feel the way you feel, and allow something she can not control damage our marriage is unfair to both.

Living with (and raise children with) a person struggling with depression is difficult. There are weeks at a time that my wife will have to fight just to get out of bed, leaving me as a single parent of two children. In addition, when the stresses of everyday life hit me, I can not go to my wife with my struggles because he can not help me mentally cope with them.


Within a few years, as a criminal defense lawyer, I represented an individual who had been accused of molesting a child. The tensions that come with that case were immense. Due to the nature of the crime that he is accused, who were not related to tensions typical courtroom; they were very dark and emotional feelings that affected my mood and my quality of life.

Often I was awake for hours in the middle of the night worrying about the case. When I tried to get help from my wife, who was too much for her. Mentally I could not handle it. He needed most at that time I had at any other time in our marriage, and it just was not possible for her to be there for me.

The most painful of being married to Casey part, however, is its complete lack of affectionwhen who is depressed. When she is suffering, there is no “I love you” and no hugs or kisses goodbye hello.

depression sucks the love of her life and it is hard not to take it personally. I still struggle sometimes to find out if their lack of affection comes from depression or have just fallen in love with me.

Display depression objectively has saved my marriage. The family management and life without the help of my wife, sometimes it is very difficult and stressful. And it’s not always easy to take an objective view of the depression of my wife, but understanding their illness has allowed work through the episodes and leave them without much civilian damage.

And although the approach we take has helped us to eliminate most of depression can hurt our family, our two young daughters do not understand why your mother always stays in bed all day and not he is interested in seeing in them the time. Helping our children understand how depression I have is our next step, and I know we’ll get out of it as we always do.

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